Procrastination

I keep telling myself that I need to write more. I keep telling myself that I need to post here more. I haven’t, however, because I am really good at procrastinating. I have an idea and I say to myself that it is a good topic to write about, but then I somehow manage not to write about it.  Then I forget what I was going to write about and end up not ever writing whatever the idea was. I set the blog (or other writing) aside hoping that the idea will return. Of course it doesn’t, and then the whole cycle repeats.

Why do I do this? It is easy to say that I am lazy, and though it is somewhat uncomfortable to admit, there is a certain truth to it.

But I think, in the end, it isn’t just being lazy. It isn’t just not being in the mood or wanting to do something else more. It is fear. Fear of being uncomfortable, fear of writing something stupid or that people don’t like, fear of people seeing too much of my inner self,  fear of failing.

But if I write, that is what I set out to do, so how can I have failed? I only fail in the not-doing. Discomfort is something I can accept and learn from, and if I am worried about how other people might react, maybe I am projecting some of my own feelings or insecurities about my writing outwards. As for showing too much of my inner self, I don’t need to be shy. I don’t have any deep dark secrets, and I don’t think I am a terrible person or anything like that.

The thing is, being lazy is easy. It’s fine to be lazy every now and then. Sometimes that is our body’s way of telling us to slow down and relax and enjoy life for a while. But when laziness becomes uncomfortable, when it prickles at your mind, listen to that. Challenge yourself. Write.

Mindfulness

I have tangerines in the refrigerator. I just remembered.

I don’t want to go into work tomorrow, and my knees are sore and my hands are cracked from dryness. But I have tangerines in the refrigerator, so tomorrow will be a good day.

If I had been mindful, I wouldn’t have forgotten that there were tangerines in the refrigerator in the first place. But then, if I had been mindful, I wouldn’t have tangerines tomorrow.

Sometimes things just work out.

Nothing is Permanent

Impermenance

 

I took this picture about three months ago walking along the North Side of Chicago. All right, to be more specific, I was walking to catch a bus home after stopping at Spencer’s Jolly Posh to pick up some Jelly Babies, because Jelly Babies are awesome. But that’s a bit of a tangent. While walking along, I came upon this door and the graffiti on it. While I don’t normally condone graffiti, I have to admit I am rather fond of this bit of it. It was a gentle, unexpected reminder and I was very grateful to have it. It gave me something to think about that day, and has on a number of days since then.